Gift of Life

Dear baby Nikki,
Your mom always asks me, "did Nikki scare you?" with great concern. She wants to make sure that the process that you went through to fight for your life didn't scare me into not wanting to have a baby. My answer was always "no, the process didn't scare me" but the truth is, it did. Scare is probably not the right word, but whatever that word is, the way you hang on and the way you thrived, touched me deeply and made an imprint in my heart that will be irreversible.

Nikki, your aunty Anny "used to be" very liberal on the issue of abortion. I believe that a woman has the legal right to her body therefore the choice of having a baby or not should lie with the mother. However, because of you, I can no longer advise with a mother not choosing her baby no matter the circumstance. When I reflect on how much you went through, how you held on, who you have become, my heart breaks just thinking about a mother giving up a life. I can no longer share my opinion the way I used to.

You came into our office yesterday for the very first time with daddy. Mommy, daddy, and I took you around the office to show you off to the co-workers. I was so proud of you! When you put your head on my chest while I was holding you, I just couldn't believe how much you've grown and how beautiful you have become. I switched you over from one side of my shoulder to the other, just like that! You are so big now that I don't have to worry about breaking your little body... After the your tour, I had to hand you to your parents quickly, if it was just the four of us, I would have started crying in the office.

Nikkie, I am not scared to have a baby because of what you have gone through, I am scared that adults like us don't make the right decisions for babies like you. I am scared that independent as we are, we can seem selfish and forget how precious babies like you have been and will become. I am scared that the choices that we make even with the best intentions will forever impact your future in ways that we cannot fathom. I am also scared that our adult world cannot set our differences aside and we cannot provide you with what you rightly deserve...

I predicted that I was going to learn a lot from you before you get to learn anything from me, and I was right. Every time when I see you, you bring joy, happiness, and fulfillment to my life. Because of you, I am more sure than ever that I want have a baby of our own. Because of you, I am aspired to be a better person for this world so you'll have a bright future to live into. Thank you baby Nikki for an amazing perspective and an understanding of the gift of life...

Love, AA