Reflecting on 2008

I started 2008 with a list of New Year's resolutions on our refrigerator, not knowing how they are going to get accomplished and if these 'empty wishes' will ever come true by the end of the year. Little did I know, 2008 was going to be the ride of my life!

Early into the first month of January, I got the most annoying but life changing email of my life and the email was from Gina to 'encourage' me to register for the Landmark Forum. You have to know some background to understand why the email was annoying... My sister, Angela, has invited me to take this course called the Landmark Forum for at least five years! I resisted, turned her down, argued with her, made fun of her until she talked about the course less at a tolerable level. The first week of January 2008, there it was, Gina's email to 'bug' me to do the Landmark Forum and I just couldn't believe it!!! The strange thing was that Gina's email was genuine, loving, interesting, and kind of amazing but I registered for the course right away not because the nature of the email but the determination: "I will have to get these two women off my back to have a peaceful 2008!" This is how I started the most amazing journey of my life in 2008. (Note: I registered for the Landmark Forum because I don't want to hear another word about landmark! so friends and family, to shut me up about landmark, you'll just have to sign up for the course!)

Needless to say, I saw a lot of things for myself out of the Landmark Forum, and I also see that my motto "I don't need help, I can do it myself" was the very reason that I did not register for the course and my "independence" showed up in every aspect of my life. Through the landmark forum, I saw that I was weary of failure so I stopped taking actions, I was concerned about breaking my heart so I stopped loving, and I was not living the life that inspired me because I didn't think I could. After seeing those constraints that I have placed on myself, I realized why my life was going the way it was...

In 2008, the biggest challenged that I faced was taking myself on. I observed my thoughts, practiced not being so reasonable and cynical, battled my emotions, and ignored a lot of my own running commentaries that stopped me from taking actions in my life. I had the best and worst kind of experiences of my life this year but I experienced them and I was fully aware that they were just experiences. I tasted successes and failures and was fully present to that these were just results of the 'games' that I chose to play and actions that I took. I saw my own strengths and shortcomings and I embraced and loved them knowing that they have defined who I was and I get to choose who I want to become. My 2008 was the most awakened and exciting year out of the past 32 that I have lived because I chose to live life and gave myself permission to have my heart broken everyday with everyone. Hiding behind the walls that I built for myself just isn't good enough for me anymore!

This past year was an exciting roller coaster ride of living life fully! I had many triumphs over my past and circumstances and I feel alive and energized! 2009 will be another wild ride, so get on it with me and let's scream and enjoy this trip. After all, there is only one life and only one 2009!

Thank you for all of your encouragement and support this year! I wish all of you a merry Christmas and happy New Year!