Lifestyle Choices

Recently I have had a lot of baby conversations, not regarding raising a baby, but about lifestyle changes when one chooses to have children. People choose to have kids for different reasons. It can be as biological as it is an extension of one's genes, or it can be as matter of fact as that's what you do after you get married, or sometimes, it can sound as ridiculous as kids can bridge the gap of a dysfunctional marriage... No matter what the reasons are, the truth of the matter is that children will change your lifestyle, whether you like it or not.

I have talked to enough parents to know that the lifestyle change and how you feel about having kids cannot be planned or anticipated. Once you have them, you'll enjoy them the way you never thought you would and they will forever change your lifestyle like you have never expected.

I know that if Jim and I have kids, I will enjoy the children to no end and whatever lifestyle choices I have to change or modify, I will do so without much hesitation. However, this is not to say that I don't enjoy our lifestyle right now and I have absolutely no problem in continuing this lifestyle that we currently have. The choices that we make without kids only involve two of us and occasionally our cats. The money that we make is spent for our enjoyment on travel, wine, and good food. The time that we have is for us as individuals or as a couple. The choices that we make for our lives only directly impact Jim and I...

People that choose to have kids took a different path than people that choose not to have children. Both groups will have the enjoyment and lifestyle that the other group will never experience. So, my dear friends that have children, don't be envious of our trips because we don't have cute little ones to go home to just yet. When I am jealous of your cute little babies and attempt to take them home, remind me that I don't have to change diapers or drink costco-sized vodka to drown out the irritation on a day to day basis... These are just lifestyle choices - no one choice is better or worse than the other.

Am I With You?

Have you ever had the experience of talking to someone and you just know that they are not there? They hear what you have to say, but they are not really listening. Under the best case scenario, they can repeat everything that you just said back to you like a parrot, but they are not really listening. They are not "with you" in that moment and I am very guilty of not being present...

We value efficiency so much these days that our listening of others and our being with others suffer. We multi-task, we produce, but we are so rarely present.

On my drive to collect Jim in San Francisco this evening, I was surprised to see the green rice field that was glistening under the sun beneath the highway. In that moment, I realized that I have never been present to my drive from Sacramento to San Francisco ever! It was always let's get there while I listen to the radio or talk on the phone, finish what I have to do in the city, and rush right back. Tonight, I drove by golden, pink, red, and white wild flowers that lined the highway, I came down from a hill that had an amazing view of the Bay covered with tall, burnt, yellow grasses. I saw the moon sitting high up on the sky to my left and the sun setting on my right. By the time I crossed the Bay Bridge, it was dark and the moon was hiding behind misty clouds. I was shocked when I caught a glimpse of the city while on the bridge and I kept wondering how beautiful, how majestic, and how perfect the view was... I didn't want that moment to end so I secretly wished that the drive was longer so that the view would linger.

I took the same route that I always take when I visit San Francisco, but being present made the drive not just tolerable but amazingly beautiful. If I am with you, and really there with you, all the conversations that we have and our time together should always be just as memorable and just as profoundly beautiful as this trip.