Jim and I took Angela to the airport today to catch her flight to Boston. As she went by the person that checked her ID, tears rolled down my face... It was not because she is going to Boston for work for the next couple of weeks with Ryan, it was not because I won't see Ryan & Angela for the next 3 or so weeks, but because I realized how "normal" it was for her to travel to all these places for work being pregnant with Ryan by herself.
Mothers were not born mothers. They were born as someone's daughter, treasured, pampered, and sometimes treated like little princesses. Mothers did not grow up as mothers, the grew up as someone's sister, someone's friend, and someone's lover. Mothers are foremost daughters, lovers, then mothers.
Career women want to be successful, accomplished, and have the financial independence and freedom to make, save, and spend money. Women in love want be loved and cared for. Women in general want to be beautiful and desired... Pregnant mothers set aside all of their concerns and assume a new role as mothers-to-be for a baby that they are carrying whom they have never met.
Pregnant mothers carry the weight that they never wanted to gain, go to work as if the large belly wasn't there, and they go on with their day to day activity whether they enjoy their pregnancy experience or not... they just go on. Aren't they concerned about the weight gain and permanent stretch mark? Aren't they concerned about the loss of independence after giving birth? Aren't they concerned about their beauty and not being desired? Yet, they set their fears aside and press on with courage.
I am not pretending that I understand the thoughts and emotions of a pregnant mother but from what I observe, they are more brave than people give them credit for. Their babies are primary and their fears and concerns are secondary...
To all of my friends that are mothers and considering to be mothers. I appreciate your courage and bravery on a whole new level now... Angela, thank you for making me see all of this by being you, being who you have always been despite your worries and concerns...
Lifestyle Choices
Recently I have had a lot of baby conversations, not regarding raising a baby, but about lifestyle changes when one chooses to have children. People choose to have kids for different reasons. It can be as biological as it is an extension of one's genes, or it can be as matter of fact as that's what you do after you get married, or sometimes, it can sound as ridiculous as kids can bridge the gap of a dysfunctional marriage... No matter what the reasons are, the truth of the matter is that children will change your lifestyle, whether you like it or not.
I have talked to enough parents to know that the lifestyle change and how you feel about having kids cannot be planned or anticipated. Once you have them, you'll enjoy them the way you never thought you would and they will forever change your lifestyle like you have never expected.
I know that if Jim and I have kids, I will enjoy the children to no end and whatever lifestyle choices I have to change or modify, I will do so without much hesitation. However, this is not to say that I don't enjoy our lifestyle right now and I have absolutely no problem in continuing this lifestyle that we currently have. The choices that we make without kids only involve two of us and occasionally our cats. The money that we make is spent for our enjoyment on travel, wine, and good food. The time that we have is for us as individuals or as a couple. The choices that we make for our lives only directly impact Jim and I...
People that choose to have kids took a different path than people that choose not to have children. Both groups will have the enjoyment and lifestyle that the other group will never experience. So, my dear friends that have children, don't be envious of our trips because we don't have cute little ones to go home to just yet. When I am jealous of your cute little babies and attempt to take them home, remind me that I don't have to change diapers or drink costco-sized vodka to drown out the irritation on a day to day basis... These are just lifestyle choices - no one choice is better or worse than the other.
I have talked to enough parents to know that the lifestyle change and how you feel about having kids cannot be planned or anticipated. Once you have them, you'll enjoy them the way you never thought you would and they will forever change your lifestyle like you have never expected.
I know that if Jim and I have kids, I will enjoy the children to no end and whatever lifestyle choices I have to change or modify, I will do so without much hesitation. However, this is not to say that I don't enjoy our lifestyle right now and I have absolutely no problem in continuing this lifestyle that we currently have. The choices that we make without kids only involve two of us and occasionally our cats. The money that we make is spent for our enjoyment on travel, wine, and good food. The time that we have is for us as individuals or as a couple. The choices that we make for our lives only directly impact Jim and I...
People that choose to have kids took a different path than people that choose not to have children. Both groups will have the enjoyment and lifestyle that the other group will never experience. So, my dear friends that have children, don't be envious of our trips because we don't have cute little ones to go home to just yet. When I am jealous of your cute little babies and attempt to take them home, remind me that I don't have to change diapers or drink costco-sized vodka to drown out the irritation on a day to day basis... These are just lifestyle choices - no one choice is better or worse than the other.
Am I With You?
Have you ever had the experience of talking to someone and you just know that they are not there? They hear what you have to say, but they are not really listening. Under the best case scenario, they can repeat everything that you just said back to you like a parrot, but they are not really listening. They are not "with you" in that moment and I am very guilty of not being present...
We value efficiency so much these days that our listening of others and our being with others suffer. We multi-task, we produce, but we are so rarely present.
On my drive to collect Jim in San Francisco this evening, I was surprised to see the green rice field that was glistening under the sun beneath the highway. In that moment, I realized that I have never been present to my drive from Sacramento to San Francisco ever! It was always let's get there while I listen to the radio or talk on the phone, finish what I have to do in the city, and rush right back. Tonight, I drove by golden, pink, red, and white wild flowers that lined the highway, I came down from a hill that had an amazing view of the Bay covered with tall, burnt, yellow grasses. I saw the moon sitting high up on the sky to my left and the sun setting on my right. By the time I crossed the Bay Bridge, it was dark and the moon was hiding behind misty clouds. I was shocked when I caught a glimpse of the city while on the bridge and I kept wondering how beautiful, how majestic, and how perfect the view was... I didn't want that moment to end so I secretly wished that the drive was longer so that the view would linger.
I took the same route that I always take when I visit San Francisco, but being present made the drive not just tolerable but amazingly beautiful. If I am with you, and really there with you, all the conversations that we have and our time together should always be just as memorable and just as profoundly beautiful as this trip.
We value efficiency so much these days that our listening of others and our being with others suffer. We multi-task, we produce, but we are so rarely present.
On my drive to collect Jim in San Francisco this evening, I was surprised to see the green rice field that was glistening under the sun beneath the highway. In that moment, I realized that I have never been present to my drive from Sacramento to San Francisco ever! It was always let's get there while I listen to the radio or talk on the phone, finish what I have to do in the city, and rush right back. Tonight, I drove by golden, pink, red, and white wild flowers that lined the highway, I came down from a hill that had an amazing view of the Bay covered with tall, burnt, yellow grasses. I saw the moon sitting high up on the sky to my left and the sun setting on my right. By the time I crossed the Bay Bridge, it was dark and the moon was hiding behind misty clouds. I was shocked when I caught a glimpse of the city while on the bridge and I kept wondering how beautiful, how majestic, and how perfect the view was... I didn't want that moment to end so I secretly wished that the drive was longer so that the view would linger.
I took the same route that I always take when I visit San Francisco, but being present made the drive not just tolerable but amazingly beautiful. If I am with you, and really there with you, all the conversations that we have and our time together should always be just as memorable and just as profoundly beautiful as this trip.
Crayfish? Crawfish?
Farmer's market is one of my favorite places to go on Saturday mornings. I usually go with a casual dress, hat, sunglasses along with my straw purse and reusable bags. I will get coffee at the farmer's market while I walk between the stands. Since I had to go to San Francisco this Saturday, I went to the farmer's market downtown instead. The market under the freeway was crowded by merchants, professional farmer's market shoppers, and shoppers like me that mainly go for the experience.
As I walked among the stands, I realized that there were some seafood and meat stands that I have never noticed before (the few times that I have been to downtown's farmer's market, they weren't there) One of them was a live crayfish stand with boxes and boxes of crawfish (switching the terms up to be fair) Whenever I see fresh "sea"food, I just can't help myself but purchase them so I bought 3lbs of the crawfish so I can cook for our guest of honor, Danielle, for lunch.
Since this was the first time that I attempt cooking crayfish, something interesting was bound to happen. I got home with the live crawfish and sat them in the sink to clean them. One of the crayfish got out of the bag and fell into the garbage disposal. I panicked and didn't know how to get it out of the garbage disposal! After a few screams and attempts to get the crawfish to bite on the utensils, Danielle suggested tongs while laughing in the back watching this goes down. I finally got the crayfish out of the garbage disposal and it had vegetables firmly clamped in both of its claws... As I cleaned the crayfish, I decided to go with two flavors just to be safe since this is the first time trying to cook them. The first dish was the white wine, parsley, garlic recipe which I cook the mussels with and the second sauce was made up on the fly where chili and garlic were the main spices in which I sauteed the crawfish with okra. Lunch was the two flavored crayfish, wine, and a cucumber from our planter.
This was Danielle's first time trying crawfish so something funny was bound to happen... Jim and I showed Danielle how to access the crustacean "meat" and a few crayfish into Danielle's lunch, the crawfish ended up over her shoulder on the carpet. We looked at one another in surprise, remembering the scene in Pretty Woman, and laughed... Danielle didn't end up eating much of the crayfish but she enjoyed the okra and the flavors. Next time we'll cook something that's easier to cook and eat!
As I walked among the stands, I realized that there were some seafood and meat stands that I have never noticed before (the few times that I have been to downtown's farmer's market, they weren't there) One of them was a live crayfish stand with boxes and boxes of crawfish (switching the terms up to be fair) Whenever I see fresh "sea"food, I just can't help myself but purchase them so I bought 3lbs of the crawfish so I can cook for our guest of honor, Danielle, for lunch.
Since this was the first time that I attempt cooking crayfish, something interesting was bound to happen. I got home with the live crawfish and sat them in the sink to clean them. One of the crayfish got out of the bag and fell into the garbage disposal. I panicked and didn't know how to get it out of the garbage disposal! After a few screams and attempts to get the crawfish to bite on the utensils, Danielle suggested tongs while laughing in the back watching this goes down. I finally got the crayfish out of the garbage disposal and it had vegetables firmly clamped in both of its claws... As I cleaned the crayfish, I decided to go with two flavors just to be safe since this is the first time trying to cook them. The first dish was the white wine, parsley, garlic recipe which I cook the mussels with and the second sauce was made up on the fly where chili and garlic were the main spices in which I sauteed the crawfish with okra. Lunch was the two flavored crayfish, wine, and a cucumber from our planter.
This was Danielle's first time trying crawfish so something funny was bound to happen... Jim and I showed Danielle how to access the crustacean "meat" and a few crayfish into Danielle's lunch, the crawfish ended up over her shoulder on the carpet. We looked at one another in surprise, remembering the scene in Pretty Woman, and laughed... Danielle didn't end up eating much of the crayfish but she enjoyed the okra and the flavors. Next time we'll cook something that's easier to cook and eat!
Grown-up Cooking
I gave up on Chinese cooking after Jim and I moved to Sacramento. Jim enjoys sandwiches and cooking for myself was just too much trouble. So, it has been six to seven years since I cooked Chinese dishes. I have learned to cook simpler dishes that use ingredients that don't require too many spices or cooking time over these years.
For the pool party on July 5th, I wanted to make a few traditional Taiwanese dishes for some of the guests to try. However, I didn't know how I was going to do that since there are a lot of traditional Taiwanese courses that should only be attempted by parents and grown-ups that have a lot of cooking experience. These dishes often include ingredients such as intestines, tripe, and body parts such as feet, ears, tails, etc. As you can imagine, making a dish with these ingredients without cooking experience and plenty of pratice can make the course disastrous.
To attempt these traditional dishes, I picked up a small amount of beef tripe, tendon, and pig feet for the party. I was prepared to throw everything away if these dishes turned out badly, which would not have surprised me... I called mom for the receipe and then I washed, pan fried, boiled, and simmered the ingredients in different spices for hours. The final dishes tasted surprisingly good; as if the dishes were made by a grown-up with a lot of cooking experience. The dishes were a hit at the pool party and at the office so I can finally claim that I have it in me to cook good traditional Taiwanese courses like a grown up! I made up my mind to continue making Taiwanese dishes for myself and possibly bring it to the office for others to share...
For the pool party on July 5th, I wanted to make a few traditional Taiwanese dishes for some of the guests to try. However, I didn't know how I was going to do that since there are a lot of traditional Taiwanese courses that should only be attempted by parents and grown-ups that have a lot of cooking experience. These dishes often include ingredients such as intestines, tripe, and body parts such as feet, ears, tails, etc. As you can imagine, making a dish with these ingredients without cooking experience and plenty of pratice can make the course disastrous.
To attempt these traditional dishes, I picked up a small amount of beef tripe, tendon, and pig feet for the party. I was prepared to throw everything away if these dishes turned out badly, which would not have surprised me... I called mom for the receipe and then I washed, pan fried, boiled, and simmered the ingredients in different spices for hours. The final dishes tasted surprisingly good; as if the dishes were made by a grown-up with a lot of cooking experience. The dishes were a hit at the pool party and at the office so I can finally claim that I have it in me to cook good traditional Taiwanese courses like a grown up! I made up my mind to continue making Taiwanese dishes for myself and possibly bring it to the office for others to share...
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